_i haven’t slept in my own bed in ten days

i slept for 2.5 hours on the flight over to new york last wednesday night . (it was the stupid plane with no crew rest. i was lucky there was room in business, cuz coach just sucks). i took a short nap at the hotel thanksgiving morning, then i shared a bed with the girls in brooklyn for a couple of nights, with a couple of interruptions and best laid plans ve’chuley, ve’chuley. then back to the hotel and back on the plane (would you believe it was the same fucking plane? no beds…). because of bad planning (mine) i landed tuesday morning directly into a shitload of errands and appointments, including an evening class in tel aviv. (i deserve a medal for staying awake through that). after being awake for 36 (!) hours i decided to stay in t.a. at my brother’s place where i planned to sleep till there was no more sleep left in me. the next morning my sweet dreams were interrupted by the lock flying out of the door (yup, just like in the movie. i’m not making this up, i swear) my screaming sent the burglars running down the stairs and out the building. i ran after them (i’m not sure why) and that’s when the door slammed shut behind me… i’m on my way back to new york tonight and won’t be back till tuesday, so this whole not-sleeping-in-my-own-bed is really going to add up. where does the burglary fit into the narrative?? part of the universe being against me i guess. (add that to the elevator i got stuck in last week and the chili oil that splashed into my left eye last night) i think i’m starting to feel the birthday blues. maybe it’s just pms.

_jessa swooning on avi’s bed

_just one more before i quit quoting

my aunt used to sign all of her e mails with:

“people will forget what you said, they’ll forget what you did, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel”

_i chewed gum all night

because i left my night guard in brooklyn. i woke up feeling minty fresh and no sore jaw. hurray!

one more thing: i don’t get the whole deal on face book where people i barely know (or don’t at all) want to be my friends. why? why why why?

_amores que matan nunca mueren

_joaquin sabina

the quoting thing’s getting old, still, it’s so much easier than coming up with original thoughts

_gonna buy the damn dress

got no money

got no clothes

aint got no car

can get no hoes

we broke broke broke flat broke

_kanye west

_you can only be where you are

_i hate my mail box

not the virtual one, the actual hardware. arriving at home from the escape i call my job, it’s the first reminder of real life to great me. here i am, still trying to open my eyes after the short cab nap. my contacts sticking to my eyeballs because i’m too vain to wear glasses on the plane. struggling up the stairs with my over packed luggage, (you’d think i’d learn how to pack by now). my ingrown toe nail cutting into my skin as i try to balance myself in my high heel boots (another skill i should’ve mastered). i hate running into neighbors at this point. they love to stare. i guess i would too.

_i suck

1. i’m smoking again. i’m in complete denial about it, but here i am, puffing away at a marlboro red, wishing i had a little more will power.

2. i still don’t own a proper camera. i have the stupid little built in one in my computer, (and i never get tired of using it to take pictures of my self, but, come on…) and now i’m using a disposable, convincing myself i can use it to take photos with that certain grainy, grungy quality and how cool that is. of course, when i’m done, i will toss it in one of my random baskets and never have it developed.

3. i just got back from a quickie to paris. i’ve been wearing my contact lenses for 30 hours (including through 3 power naps). i haven’t showered yet or even removed my makeup. i should be in bed grinding on my teeth guard, falling into blissful sleep.

_holding my breath

from my window i see a building waiting to take off. in here, i’m still waiting to get off. tears come. they’re probably not real. it’s a small tragedy, knowing what you want.

i put on distance, and take it off. loosing all of the places i’ve been every time i see you. we never seemed to love at the same place, or time. waking each other for guard duty, it’s your turn now.

then you stand alone all night watching the mountains draw the stars towards them, till light comes, in it’s sneaky way. socking you in the stomach, you’ve lost.