_capricorn moon

you never know until you know

_i’m such a lazy hard worker

i’m such a hard working lazy ass

_03:02

don’t panic

_morning on algonquin island

it’s snowing outside. more beautiful than i can describe.

inside, two orange cats are fighting for my attention.

the zit on my chin is getting too much of my attention. i picked at it so much, now it’s bleeding. i have conquered the zit, still i get a neaky fealling it has won the war.

i’m having bittersweet chocolate brownies made with all organic indgredients (that makes it healthy, right?) for breakfast.

the cloned cats are balled up on the rug.

i don’t think i will leave the house today.

_this is not a haiku

there’s always a gap between what you know and where you are.

_breaking promises

“be the change you want to see in the world”

-gandhi

i have decided to allow myself to continue with my head in the sand escapism for the rest of the week till my birthday

.

_i haven’t slept in my own bed in ten days

i slept for 2.5 hours on the flight over to new york last wednesday night . (it was the stupid plane with no crew rest. i was lucky there was room in business, cuz coach just sucks). i took a short nap at the hotel thanksgiving morning, then i shared a bed with the girls in brooklyn for a couple of nights, with a couple of interruptions and best laid plans ve’chuley, ve’chuley. then back to the hotel and back on the plane (would you believe it was the same fucking plane? no beds…). because of bad planning (mine) i landed tuesday morning directly into a shitload of errands and appointments, including an evening class in tel aviv. (i deserve a medal for staying awake through that). after being awake for 36 (!) hours i decided to stay in t.a. at my brother’s place where i planned to sleep till there was no more sleep left in me. the next morning my sweet dreams were interrupted by the lock flying out of the door (yup, just like in the movie. i’m not making this up, i swear) my screaming sent the burglars running down the stairs and out the building. i ran after them (i’m not sure why) and that’s when the door slammed shut behind me… i’m on my way back to new york tonight and won’t be back till tuesday, so this whole not-sleeping-in-my-own-bed is really going to add up. where does the burglary fit into the narrative?? part of the universe being against me i guess. (add that to the elevator i got stuck in last week and the chili oil that splashed into my left eye last night) i think i’m starting to feel the birthday blues. maybe it’s just pms.

_i suck

1. i’m smoking again. i’m in complete denial about it, but here i am, puffing away at a marlboro red, wishing i had a little more will power.

2. i still don’t own a proper camera. i have the stupid little built in one in my computer, (and i never get tired of using it to take pictures of my self, but, come on…) and now i’m using a disposable, convincing myself i can use it to take photos with that certain grainy, grungy quality and how cool that is. of course, when i’m done, i will toss it in one of my random baskets and never have it developed.

3. i just got back from a quickie to paris. i’ve been wearing my contact lenses for 30 hours (including through 3 power naps). i haven’t showered yet or even removed my makeup. i should be in bed grinding on my teeth guard, falling into blissful sleep.