_changes in the house (change is in the house)

_found in my pocket after a flight

1. key, opens secret compartments on plane. i use maybe once every 13 flights, but when i need it, i need it.

2. folded note, basic info about the flight; names of pilots, which aircraft, my emergency position.

3. edge of bag of mixed nuts i swiped from business class. the candied pecans are the best, then the almonds. nobody eats the macademia nuts.

4. eye drops, you got it: too vain to wear glasses on the plane.

5. body shop melon flavored lip gloss. looks hot, feels sticky. it came with a gift pack and it’s the perfect size for my pocket.

6. hair clip. not mine.

7. chalva. comes with the crew breakfast. was saving it for later.

8. a button. not mine.

_bellclaire

_anticipation (yves klein’s leap into the void)

it’s hard to be before. especially for me, instant-gratification-whore that i am. i think of the future me, the one who already knows how everything turned out. she’s probably laughing at my anxiety.

_swap approved

_inventory

(this is not a drawing of a. who is young and beautiful, whereas this lady is old and sad).

j. (who is young and beautiful and sad) tells me she feels like a ghost. says she feels like a guest in her own life. we’re in a cab on the way to the mall, where she can truly be happy. i want to make her happy.

r. is speaking of change. says he feels it slowly, like an avant garde movie. we’re sharing a semi flat tuborg, wrapped in a security blanket. i’m glad some things don’t change.

a. is back to point a. with s. once removed. it doesn’t seem to make any sense, but i can understand why he’s doing it.

j.j. is still an orange dot. i can wait.

_today

keep it short

keep it neat

personal

general

clear

coherent

allow myself to be

incoherent

unpopular

unloved

dishonest.

wait silently, someone will come

to pick things up right where you left off.

keep picking at that fucking hangnail till it bleeds.

_cenzored

procrastination + escapism = happiness

_no time for words

_found

1. in my bedroom. no idea what they open. dec. 5th.

2. 72nd & broadway, dec. 3rd.

3. newark airport, nov. 26th. to be spent in paris on dec. 14th.